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    Friday Bonus: Caption Contest

    Caption Contest Courtoon

    Welcome to the first Courtoons Caption Contest.  The Courtoon in question is above.  To enter, submit a caption (or quote for the characters) as a comment.  (When you enter your e-mail address it will not be posted on the site, but it will let me contact the winner.)  The contest will be open until Thursday, April 9, at 11:59 pm EST.

    The winning entry will be posted as a Courtoon (with recognition to the winner).  The winner will also receive a signed original of the Courtoon.  David Mills retains sole discretion to decide the winner.  That decision is not reviewable on appeal nor subject to a petition for certiorari.

    132 responses to “Friday Bonus: Caption Contest”

    1. Ryan Kriger says:

      Eventually Attorney Cheatum simply dropped all pretense when presenting his expert witness.

    2. Diana S. says:

      Hairy Hand meets Palsgraff.

    3. Ajay Krishnan says:

      I refuse to answer on the grounds that I may incriminate myself.

    4. Chantel Hull says:

      A lesser known exception to the Hearsay Rule: Hand Puppets.

    5. me says:

      Judge: Please raise your right hand.
      Judge: Please raise your right hand.
      Witness: I am your honor.
      Judge: Not you. him.

    6. Vic says:

      Allow me to demonstrate the sexual assault by using this puppet…

    7. Jeremy says:

      After the plea bargain to be charged as an accessory, Mr. Hand decides to sell out his partner.

    8. MattyHo says:

      In a novel, last-ditch effort to convict Kermit the Frog for Ms. Palsgraf’s murder, Prosecutor Clemens attempts to make a party admission.

    9. W says:

      The inherent danger of appearing in propria manus.

    10. IndyIndie says:

      “All I hear is ‘Blah blah blah contempt blah blah.'”

    11. Danl says:

      One result of budget cuts in the witness protection program.

    12. F says:

      Objection, Your Honor!
      I always wanted to be a lawyer.

    13. Andrew says:

      Little known fact: Judge Learned Hand earned his name on the witness stand.

    14. Tracey says:

      Flashback 2001: A former employee gives testimony in the Pets.com bankruptcy case.

    15. JT says:

      “I saw the car turning left in the red light when…”

    16. Sam says:

      Faretta v. California: Proudly bringing awkward witness examinations since 1975.

    17. Liz says:

      “Objection, Your Honor. Mr. Wiggles lacks personal knowledge and cannot competently testify to the state of mind of his handler at the moment in question. “

    18. Crystal says:

      Part one, children: examination of expert witnesses…

    19. Nick says:

      In a world without (Dau)Bert, Ernie is allowed to testify.

    20. Matt says:

      Later the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals ruled that Mr. Puppet was a perfectly adequate criminal defense attorney but it did censure him for having an inappropriate relationship with the defendant.

    21. Mike says:

      The jury, captivated by the defendant’s tricky ventriloquism, acquits of all charges… Mayor McCheese however, faces sentencing May 1st.

    22. Fawzy Simon says:

      Quote for puppet: “…so then Robert, the ventriloquist here, heard the plaintiff say that he wasn’t really hurt and was just going to milk the defendant for millions.”

      Caption: Hearsay within hearsay.

    23. Jamie says:

      I was talking to the other hand and missed the whole thing.

    24. Cassidizzle says:

      “You people act like you’ve never seen a platypus on the stand . . . “

    25. John says:

      Puppet Ipsa Loquitur.

    26. Tiffany says:

      “I’d really like to answer the question your honor but this guy’s got me by the balls.”

    27. Dave says:

      I guess I’ll do the talking since I’m the only one in here with a mouth.

    28. JoAnne says:

      “Objection your honor. Counsel is clearly leading the witness.”

    29. Michael J. Wasser says:

      The court ruled that a ventriloquist is not a valid defense in a Res Ipsa Loquitur case.

    30. O says:

      Counsel: “My client turned pink in the wash. I want to know the truth, did you order a code red?”

      Sock: “You’re darn right I did!”

    31. Rick Narad says:

      Counsel’s objection was sustained. There is no puppet exception to the hearsay rule.

    32. Andrew says:

      The newest hearsay exception.

    33. Andrew B says:

      When the questioning turns to his prior use of racial epithets, Detective Mark Fuhrman attempts an unconventional method of changing the subject…

    34. Mike says:

      “Show us on the doll where he touched you.”

    35. Tony LaCroix says:

      It just. . . happened. I can’t really explain why I did it. I just. . . one minute I was eating a bagel, and the next thing I knew. . . she was dead. I looked around to see what happened. I don’t remember picking up the knife. But nobody else was there. Just me and Phil here.

    36. Steve says:

      My name is Judge!

    37. Mark says:

      Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, as you can clearly see, the puppet doesn’t fit….oh crap

    38. randy says:

      Juror Dave wasn’t fooled by Mr. McQuack. It was the beady eyes that gave away that crafty duck and his web of lies.

    39. David Raeker-Jordan says:

      Quote: ” … and when I woke up after the surgery, there was this hand up my back.”

      Caption: Res Ipsa Ventriloquitur

    40. Avery says:

      Jack Handey, offering some Deep Thoughts on Daubert.

    41. Ace says:

      “I did not have sexual relations with that puppet, Lamb Chop.”

    42. ChuckC says:

      Proving the old adage, the grand jury promptly indicted the hand sandwich.

    43. JMT says:

      William Prosser, father of torts, takes the stand to test an early version of his res ipsa loquitur doctrine.

    44. Michael says:

      In today’s economy – a young lawyer figures out how to deal with a dearth of new clients.

    45. John H. says:

      “Puppet Ipsa Loquitur”

    46. David says:

      New lawyer invents the perfect witness for cross-examination.

    47. Jess says:

      Counsel instantly regretted telling his client to “sock-it” to the jury.

    48. M says:

      Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress: “The surgeon thought it would be funny to try a different prosthetic this time.”

    49. DAVID says:

      “No, your honor, I am not giving you the finger.”

    50. DAVID says:

      “I will now demonstrate how the defendant ate my microphone.”

    51. MD says:

      Today’s expert witness brings a bit of levity to the proceedings.

    52. Ramity says:

      Seymour, who had been enjoying representing himself pro se, decided that he preferred to be the one asking questions.

      Oh, and a vote for “Eventually Attorney Cheatum simply dropped all pretense when presenting his expert witness.”–it had our office in stitches.

    53. Mike G says:

      Finally, a plaintiff’s expert who shows what he truly is, a quack who is nothing more than a mouthpiece for the attorney.

    54. Not Andrew @ 1:50 says:

      Sorry, all. Andrew @ 1:50 nailed it.

    55. Klerk says:

      “One need not be a juridical soothsayer to predict that this evidentiary ventriloquism will have its cacophonous echoes.”

      [Flores v. Estelle, 513 F.2d 764, 770 (5th Cir. 1975) (Goldberg, J. dissenting).]

    56. Portia says:

      The potential for perjury no longer requires narrative testimony.

    57. Dan says:

      “Mr. Fandango, your witness is not being responsive.”

    58. Ed says:

      Quote: “Enough! It’s true. I agreed to help him rob the bank.”
      Caption: Bob’s conspiracy trial takes a nasty turn.

    59. Lily says:

      When you need a little help remembering the Learned Hand formula.

    60. Lily's edit says:

      When you need a little help explaining the Learned Hand formula.

    61. Lily's edit says:

      When you need a little help explaining the Learned Hand formula.

    62. Ash Scache says:

      Is that a Learned Hand in there, or are you just putting me on?

    63. Ash Scache says:

      Is that a Learned Hand in there, or are you just happy to see me?

    64. AC says:

      “I told you we should have stuck with the twinkie defense.”

    65. sl says:

      Cross-examination gave Juror #2 has something worth twittering.

    66. Robert says:

      At that moment Judge Smith understood the common law exception to “the hand of one is the hand of all.”

    67. Noah says:

      “If I may speak for myself, your Honor…”

    68. John Day says:

      “I am NOT under oath.”

    69. John Day says:

      “I cannot tell a lie. It was the anesthieslogist’s fault.”

    70. John Day says:

      Demonstrative evidence is essential when proving loss of consortium for the single male.

    71. John Day says:

      “Yes, I made $4M last year testifying for Ford, but that does not influence my professional judgment.”

    72. John Day says:

      “Well, for the last ten years I have worked as an arbitrator in consumer / cellphone company disputes.”

    73. John Day says:

      Juror: “He makes more sense than the last three witnesses.”

    74. Dave says:

      Caveat Pupator

    75. PS says:

      “If the puppet fits you must acquit”

    76. Bluehorse says:

      The jury will disregard that last remark.

    77. Brandon says:

      The sole witness to the murder at the puppet show freezes on the witness stand upon request to point the killer out from the audience.

    78. Mike says:

      Talk to the hand.

    79. Tiffany says:

      Mmmmhph mmmph mmmm mmmmmgghl

    80. John Day says:


    81. AC says:

      So, for the record, your contention is that you were merely trying to retrieve your watch, ring, and a gerbil from the victim, when you found this, thereby saving the victim’s life in the process?

    82. Eli R. says:

      Caption: So is it your testimony, Mr. Puppet, that you were not acting alone at the time of the murder, in fact, you were only following Mr. Hand’s orders?

    83. Paul says:

      In an attempt to restore his good name, Beaker desperately attempts to channel Jim Henson as a character witness.

    84. Harvey Feldman says:

      No, that’s a lie! I never worked for Edgar Bergen!

    85. lawstudent says:


    86. Jordan says:

      Judge: “Where on the man did the accused touch you?”

    87. Kevin Pettrey says:

      The slackening of the requirement of “real party in interest”

    88. Anonymous says:

      Steve @ 616,

      Love it. My favorite.

    89. Anonymous says:

      …and this is where the defendant touched me.

    90. Barren Soul 3L says:

      The plaintiff requests the judge instruct the jury on the Reasonable Puppet Standard.

    91. Anonymous says:

      Allowing your client to testify via sock puppet: still not ineffective assistance of counsel.

    92. amused says:

      He’s takin’ the Fifth, but I’m talking:interesting dilemma.

    93. Tom says:

      For a moment, Judge Jones wondered whether his lenient treatment of pro se litigants, though well intentioned, was getting out of hand.

    94. Dork says:

      Quote: “He made me do it!”

      Caption: “Respondeat Supuppeteer”

    95. Vic says:

      Allow me to show what I mean by the term “fisting”, by use of this puppet.

    96. Armand says:

      “I think it was offensive contact, your honor, but you should really ask the reasonable person here”

    97. Jim says:

      Typical day in the 9th circuit

    98. Ian says:

      Antonio being a mobster took the stand on charges that fall under the Puppeteer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act.

    99. C says:

      I vote for Andrew. Learned Hand. Too funny.

    100. Redking says:

      Personally, I vote for David Raeker-Jordan (April 3, 2009 at 6:50 pm). Alternatively:

      An eyewitness in Whittington v. Cheney finally comes forward to testify.

    101. Tony Baldwin says:

      Judge to puppet – “…. now in your own words, if you can speak for yourself… how did this happen? “

    102. Neil says:

      I was not on the steering wheel at the time of the accident, your honor.

    103. S.A. says:

      When the plaintiff finally took the stand, Bob the defense attorney suddenly realized that this was one medical malpractice case he should have settled.

    104. KB says:

      Puppet Speech Bubble: “If the light was green, would that have made a difference?”
      Caption: “The Sock-ratic Method”

    105. Bruce says:

      “Me name is Cookie Monster. M-O-N-S-T-E-R.”

    106. Betty Milia says:

      “…and the last straw was when he brought home a pair of new mittens and forced me into a Manoge à trois!”

    107. trizzle says:

      Wow. this courtoon is really great.

      For me to poop on.

    108. Pickmine says:

      Judge says, “I don’t know that Rule 804 even applies . . . the declarant looks pretty available to me!”

    109. CB says:

      Caption: Bush Puppet Murder Trial

      Lawyer: “If the puppet fits, you must not acquit.”

    110. John says:

      Oscar thought he had the perfect alibi witness.

    111. Parker says:

      Caption: Cash-strapped pro se plaintiff successfully qualifies first expert forensic sockologist.
      Sock: In my opinion, those ugly-ass shoes caused permanent foot injury and emotional distress.
      Judge: Hold on, you were black during voir dire!
      Sock: I’m reversible.

    112. Shelly says:

      caption: APDA : American Puppets with Disabilities Act

    113. Ryan says:

      Little Known 9th Circuit Local Rule: In order to make the Justice System seem more friendly, all jury instructions will be delivered via sock puppet.

    114. Ryan says:

      Why we need the Rule against Puppetuities

    115. Tim says:

      “No Person shall be convicted of Treason unless on the Testimony of two Witnesses to the same overt Act, or on Confession in open Court.”
      Article III, Section 3

    116. Tim says:

      Technically, Judge, your pretrial order prohibits my expert from “parroting” uncorroborated allegations.

    117. Landya says:

      “He is not insane. Don’t believe a word of it. He and I planned the murder.”

    118. “Elmo hit me first!”

    119. Jarrod says:

      Puppet: The guy to my left was with me from 11:15 until midnight.

      Man’s Thought Bubble: Thank God I have an alibi.

    120. Harvey Feldman says:

      Puppet: “Damn it, Judge! I’ve told you and everyone else a dozen times, Fran and Ollie ran off together. I don’t know where they are, but I had nothing to do with their disappearance. Bug off!”

      Caption: Akkused Killer Kukla Kommits Kontempt.

    121. Michael J. Wasser says:

      Court: We do not need to hear from your Learned Foot!

    122. Leslie says:

      Judge (thinking): “Crap. What did they say in Judge’s school? Swear the puppet or the person or both?”

      Caption: “What happens when D+ law students become Judges”

    123. Valerie says:

      “Yes, I suppose I am aware that someone else uses the name Learned Hand”

    124. Klerk says:

      I just realized that I didnt edit my previous entry (Apr. 3 at (9:05) the way I had intended to. I meant it to read:

      One need not be a juridical soothsayer to predict that this evidentiary ventriloquism will have its [qu]acophonous echoes.”

      [Flores v. Estelle, 513 F.2d 764, 770 (5th Cir. 1975) (Goldberg, J. dissenting).]

    125. Phil says:

      Little known Miranda right: You have the right to testify via sock puppet.

    126. Vic says:

      If it’s not me, then Ryan at April 7, 2009 at 5:28 pm was pretty darn funny!

    127. Phil says:

      The very first one is the cleverest.

    128. Strayder says:

      “When I saw her on that other hand… well… I just lost it!”

    129. Strayder says:

      “I heard the shot and someone yell “DUCK!”… but I’m not really sure what happened after that…”

    130. David Mills says:

      I’ll post the winning response by Saturday, April 11, 2009.

    131. Alex says:

      The long neck of the law.

    132. Alex says:

      Lex Luthor had grown accustomed to Superman, but Mr Incredible still freaked him out.