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    Friday, July 3, 2009 — Caption Contest

    stickman caption Courtoon (legal cartoon)

    Due to peer pressure popular demand, here is another Courtoons caption contest . . .

    Submit entries for the caption and/or the characters as comments.  (Your email address is never posted on the site, but lets me contact the winner–and anyone else, really.)  The contest is open until Friday, July 10, 2009 at 11:59 EST.

    Winner receives a signed photo-quality print inside a matted frame.*

    *Retail value: three Doritos (Cool Ranch flavor).

    95 responses to “Friday, July 3, 2009 — Caption Contest”

    1. MillsFan says:

      In a savvy move designed to sway the jury in her DUI trial, Nicole Richie testifies in the nude.

    2. Butcher Roberts says:

      Yes, Your Honor, we have brought this suit seeking declaratory judgment as to who should receive the ‘res’ of the stick figure. As you can see, methamphetamines are brutal on cartoons and cartoonists alike. We believe that the remainder of Mr. stick figure is held by Mr. Mills in one of his many pens.

    3. GoGators says:

      I am a stick figure trapped in a man’s body.

    4. Molechaser says:

      Little Tucker Act.

    5. IP Guy says:

      The defendant’s alibi was thin, at best.

    6. Lucretia says:

      Due to budget cuts, the straw man has been replaced by the stick man.

    7. Elika Thompson says:

      And now, Your Honor, my client will perform an interpretive dance in his own defense.

    8. Ryan K says:

      The Court takes notice that Mr. Hangman is off the hook.

    9. Joe V says:

      As Your Honor can see, Plaintiff’s bare-bones allegations are clearly insufficient…

    10. Shane says:

      The defendant smiled when the prosecutor couldn’t make the charges stick

    11. Travis says:

      The Judge ruled over the defense attorney’s objection that stick people were not a protected class.

    12. Matty V says:

      (stic)

    13. Anonymous says:

      Res sticksa loquitor

    14. Kpawss says:

      Surprisingly, a lineal descendant appeared during probate.

    15. Newflawyer says:

      Take your child to work day interrupted the orderly presentation of pleas by Dimora associates…

    16. Jeff says:

      Per the order of the court, the public defender had to explain the meaning of naked justice…again.

    17. sasha says:

      In his trial for male prostitution, Fred misunderstood the judge’s request for the defendant’s “oral argument…”

      or,

      something about habeas corpus…

    18. Jonathan says:

      In the middle of his closing argument, Gary decided to stick it to the plaintiff.

    19. CJG says:

      +1 to Kpawss

    20. Ryan says:

      Oh, so THAT’s what the reasonable man looks like.

    21. Leigh says:

      Plaintiff BlackAcre Investors would now like to call Defendant Strawman to testify.

    22. bff says:

      Randall Munroe testifies in court. (http://xkcd.com)

    23. Alicanto says:

      To the surprise of everyone present, the boy just jumped into the Well…

    24. Kiwi Lawyer says:

      Eventually all defence lawyers looked the same to the Judge, just the same old schtick.

    25. Stephen says:

      Mid-way through, the court sketch artist received a message from his wife that their lottery investment finally paid off.

    26. Fordham Law '10 says:

      The defendant decided to take the stand, sticking it to his furious attorney

    27. Tracey says:

      Your honor, I intende to prove that, due to defendant’s negligence, my client has suffered permanent and irreversible stickfigurement

    28. MJ says:

      “Your honor, Mr. Humpty is entitled to the entire damages aware due to defendant’s negligent sneezing, under the Eggshell-Bodied Plaintiff doctrine.”

    29. Jess says:

      Critics opine that budget cuts have forced TV legal drama’s to stoop to new lows in charachter development.

    30. Jimmy says:

      Cover art for the DVD boxset of Ally McBeal

    31. Jimmy says:

      Let the record reflect that the witness is happy with the results of the defendant’s weight loss program

    32. broje says:

      D E _ _ H P E N _ L _ Y

    33. Jason says:

      Judge Sotomayor, thanks for stickinit to da man.

    34. GoDawgs says:

      Unable to distinguish the opposition’s line of precedent, the Plaintiff called upon the President of Lines.

    35. Anonymous says:

      With all due respect your honor, who the hell is this guy?

    36. Anonymous says:

      “Your honor, my summer associate was really eager to meet you, even though you won’t see him until after his deferral in 2028.”

    37. Brien says:

      Your courtroom attire is completely inappropriate. Your stick is showing.

    38. G Man says:

      “Keep smiling you stick bastard. You may think you can fool this jury, but we both know you couldn’t have called out for help, because, as everyone knows, if a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, it does not make a sound.”

    39. Pacific Reporter says:

      LOL. I vote for Kpawss: “Surprisingly, a lineal descendant appeared during probate.”

    40. aww says:

      And then Mr. Jackson and I crawled under the covers and drank Jesus Juice together and he made me feel all warm and gooey.

    41. Jennifer says:

      The defense finds itself in a sticky situation.

    42. Anonymous says:

      Q: What’s black and sticky?
      A: That guy.

    43. b in ca says:

      “OK, you two, where the hell did you put the my courtroom’s roof?”

    44. b in ca says:

      “OK, you two, where the hell did you put my courtroom’s roof?”

    45. CLS Rising 2L says:

      A 2009 summer associate who relied on the legendary law firm lunches of yore.

    46. Josh says:

      I’m sorry counselor. There simply is no ‘q’ in this puzzle. The phrase was “ex parte.” You lose. Please prepare an order.

    47. Hoya Lawya says:

      Exhibition of Blanket’s lack of nose to prove Michael Jackson’s paternity.

    48. Thor says:

      Ohhhh, you meant sic…

    49. jb says:

      wtf is that, counselor?

    50. John says:

      Said the stickman ” Dude, you dress like a real lawyer.”.

    51. Rick Narad says:

      I think that the jury can draw a reasonable conclusion from the witness’ appearance.

    52. 2009Lawyer says:

      Through his closing argument the defense proved once again that the law was just an elaborate exercise in line drawing!

    53. gnet says:

      “The recession hits Courtoons.”

      Or

      ‘Counselor, a stick figure may have gotten you a B+ on your crim. exam, but it won’t work here.’

      Or

      “Stick figures are legalese for ‘I am panicking and have no f***ing clue.”

    54. Jon says:

      When consensual lean creditors object.

    55. Craig says:

      “Your Honor, I strenuously object to the young man’s nude demonstration of how he became the sole heir to the Michael Jackson estate.”

    56. J says:

      As you can see from Exhibit A to our motion for fees, associates who bill 24 hours a day and do not take meal breaks for two months in a row, can, in fact, still be productive. Come on, show him how you can dance, too.

    57. Ryan says:

      The First Intellectual Property Trial: Who Copyrighted the Stick Man?

    58. Ryan says:

      “The state court did not attempt to define the precise contours of Murphy’s obligation to respond to questions.”

      Minnesota v. Murphy, 465 U. S. 420 (1984)

    59. Tony LaCroix says:

      Your Honor, despite a bit of malnutrition, I think it is obvious that the present arrangement is in the best interests of the child.

    60. liz says:

      There is only a fine line between the Prosecutor and the Judge.

    61. Vic says:

      Subservient Stickman on trial for wasting too much of my time! (finally!) http://subservientstickman.com/ Don’t tell him to “make the helicopter” nsfw

    62. Loveable Lobo says:

      At sentencing for Indecent Exposure, the Defense counsel argues for mitigation: “See, your honor, it’s actually pretty decent.”

    63. Vic says:

      If it please the court, I’d like to call my client, Nicole Ritchie to the stand.

    64. Eric says:

      As you can see, your honor, Mrs. Palsgraf has completely recovered.

    65. Jason says:

      That ruling will never stick, MAN!

    66. Joe V says:

      Your Honor, the Defendant is being purposefully obtuse.

    67. mwasseresq says:

      The judge held that Plaintiff’s case was a “shtick”and granted Defendant’s motion to dismiss.

    68. Matt says:

      “As you can see, your Honor, my client did indeed guess the correct letters. There is no reason for a hung jury.”

    69. Matt says:

      “Your Honor, prosecution seeks death by hanging.”

    70. Matt says:

      “Your Honor, my client pleads N_T G__L_Y.”

    71. Ambo Chaser 2.0 says:

      Your honor, it is impossible for me to question this witness… I can’t tell whether it is Mary Kate or Ashley.

    72. Josh says:

      Sentencing HANG-MAN

    73. Craig says:

      “Your Honor, when I stated that my brief had stripped opposing counsel of all his defenses, I did not mean this . . .”

    74. Craig says:

      Halfway through the public indecency trial, the court and prosecutor both reallized that their cartoonist had no concept of anatomical correctness.

    75. WTF says:

      Folding under counsel’s heated cross, defendant finally admits that he is not, in fact, a real boy.

    76. Autchie says:

      Your Honor, my client will admit that he has exhibited sketchy behavior, but he cannot be held liable here because the cartoonist has clearly failed to meet the “reasonable artist” standard of care.

    77. Bertie Botter says:

      The Men’s Room is thataway, pal.

    78. Writ Taking Man says:

      Your Honor, as you can see from my client’s present condition, the effects of silly putty are not all that silly. Not silly at all.

    79. Chico Sweets says:

      Oyez. Oyez. Oyez. This court is now in session, the Honorable Charles Brown presiding. First on the docket, No. 715-032, “Estate of Charles Schultz v. David E. Mills.”

    80. La. Loser says:

      Circa 1925: In defense of his client’s use of the controversial text “On the Origin of Two-Dimensional Species” in the classroom, Clarence Doodle introduces his first exhibit regarding the evolution of cartoon man.

    81. Mary says:

      Evidence of an unlawful search and seizure under the Fourth Amendment.

    82. El Guapo says:

      Tired of the deliberations and fearing a hung jury, juror number 1 decided to make a break for it.

    83. Jason says:

      What….the hell….is that….?

    84. Writ Taking Man says:

      La. Loser – I think the historical references in your caption don’t fit in with the general tenor of this site. Pop culture references only, please.

      Very clever, though.

    85. Leslie says:

      Suprise registered on Judge Wilson’s face. Never before had he seen life breathed into a strawman argument.

    86. Ryan says:

      “Please explain to the court why you believe the x-rays your doctor ordered were unnecessary”

    87. MIK says:

      Judge: Excuse me, sir, you realize you interrupting oral arguments.

      U.S. News Rep. (stickman): Oh, just ignore me. I am here to observe and rank you. We already domintate law school rankings and will soon dominate law firm rankings in order to “help” people pick the best choice…U.S. courts are the next rational addition.

      FORUM SHOPPING: The Next Stage!!!

    88. Brian says:

      Your honor, we were unable to locate the “strawman” here we have his brother, the “stickman”, to testify on his behalf.

    89. Slum Shady says:

      Caption 1

      Lawyer: E.T!! What are you doing here? GO HOME!

      Caption 2

      Firstly, congratulations on you getting the skiing equipment from the ro’bust’ Lew Inn at Aspen. Secondly, I know we are talking of the same old Bill here but could you act a little interested? You’re already adorning a couple of Lew Inn Skies beneath your table. Let’s stick to the point here.

    90. Slum Shady says:

      Oh and BTW i’m going to have to go with J on July 7 at 10:10 am for the win here. It’s good on all counts. It’s funny, it’s true, it has strong legal connotations and fits in perfectly with the picture.

    91. Anonymous says:

      Your Honor, our defense is two-dimensional.

      OR

      The parties accused each other in open court, but it was clear that only one of them had any substance.

      OR

      Trial set for two weeks. Is that all that’s left on the docket? Oh, okay, well in that case, IT’S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!

    92. Sweet Georgia Brown says:

      Kpawss at July 3, 2009 at 2:31 pm was the best!

      Does anyone remember the civil procedure case re: damages not normally resulting from the type of cause of action plead must be specially plead? COA was negligence/automobile accident, injury was a viagra-type long term permanant, um, ‘condition’ ? I can’t recall the case name but I will forever remember the special pleading requirement thanks to my stick figure drawing in the margins of the case book.

    93. anonymous says:

      Breve judiciale non cadit pro defectu formae – A judicial writing does not fail through defect of form.

      OR

      Custos morum – A guardian of morals.

      OR

      De minimis lex non curat – The law does not notice trifling matters.

      OR

      Generale nihil certum implicat – A general expression implies nothing certain.

      OR

      Homo vocabulum est naturae; persona juris civilis – Man is a term of nature, person of the civil law.

      OR

      In loco parentis – In place of the parent.

    94. Mr. Cat says:

      anonimus at 7:07:

      u haz a life FAIL

    95. anonymous says:

      um, it is a legal puns cartoon caption “contest” – clearly Mr. Cat and I have similar failings…