Friday, July 3, 2009 — Caption Contest
Due to peer pressure popular demand, here is another Courtoons caption contest . . .
Submit entries for the caption and/or the characters as comments. (Your email address is never posted on the site, but lets me contact the winner–and anyone else, really.) The contest is open until Friday, July 10, 2009 at 11:59 EST.
Winner receives a signed photo-quality print inside a matted frame.*
*Retail value: three Doritos (Cool Ranch flavor).
In a savvy move designed to sway the jury in her DUI trial, Nicole Richie testifies in the nude.
Yes, Your Honor, we have brought this suit seeking declaratory judgment as to who should receive the ‘res’ of the stick figure. As you can see, methamphetamines are brutal on cartoons and cartoonists alike. We believe that the remainder of Mr. stick figure is held by Mr. Mills in one of his many pens.
I am a stick figure trapped in a man’s body.
Little Tucker Act.
The defendant’s alibi was thin, at best.
Due to budget cuts, the straw man has been replaced by the stick man.
And now, Your Honor, my client will perform an interpretive dance in his own defense.
The Court takes notice that Mr. Hangman is off the hook.
As Your Honor can see, Plaintiff’s bare-bones allegations are clearly insufficient…
The defendant smiled when the prosecutor couldn’t make the charges stick
The Judge ruled over the defense attorney’s objection that stick people were not a protected class.
(stic)
Res sticksa loquitor
Surprisingly, a lineal descendant appeared during probate.
Take your child to work day interrupted the orderly presentation of pleas by Dimora associates…
Per the order of the court, the public defender had to explain the meaning of naked justice…again.
In his trial for male prostitution, Fred misunderstood the judge’s request for the defendant’s “oral argument…”
or,
something about habeas corpus…
In the middle of his closing argument, Gary decided to stick it to the plaintiff.
+1 to Kpawss
Oh, so THAT’s what the reasonable man looks like.
Plaintiff BlackAcre Investors would now like to call Defendant Strawman to testify.
Randall Munroe testifies in court. (http://xkcd.com)
To the surprise of everyone present, the boy just jumped into the Well…
Eventually all defence lawyers looked the same to the Judge, just the same old schtick.
Mid-way through, the court sketch artist received a message from his wife that their lottery investment finally paid off.
The defendant decided to take the stand, sticking it to his furious attorney
Your honor, I intende to prove that, due to defendant’s negligence, my client has suffered permanent and irreversible stickfigurement
“Your honor, Mr. Humpty is entitled to the entire damages aware due to defendant’s negligent sneezing, under the Eggshell-Bodied Plaintiff doctrine.”
Critics opine that budget cuts have forced TV legal drama’s to stoop to new lows in charachter development.
Cover art for the DVD boxset of Ally McBeal
Let the record reflect that the witness is happy with the results of the defendant’s weight loss program
D E _ _ H P E N _ L _ Y
Judge Sotomayor, thanks for stickinit to da man.
Unable to distinguish the opposition’s line of precedent, the Plaintiff called upon the President of Lines.
With all due respect your honor, who the hell is this guy?
“Your honor, my summer associate was really eager to meet you, even though you won’t see him until after his deferral in 2028.”
Your courtroom attire is completely inappropriate. Your stick is showing.
“Keep smiling you stick bastard. You may think you can fool this jury, but we both know you couldn’t have called out for help, because, as everyone knows, if a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, it does not make a sound.”
LOL. I vote for Kpawss: “Surprisingly, a lineal descendant appeared during probate.”
And then Mr. Jackson and I crawled under the covers and drank Jesus Juice together and he made me feel all warm and gooey.
The defense finds itself in a sticky situation.
Q: What’s black and sticky?
A: That guy.
“OK, you two, where the hell did you put the my courtroom’s roof?”
“OK, you two, where the hell did you put my courtroom’s roof?”
A 2009 summer associate who relied on the legendary law firm lunches of yore.
I’m sorry counselor. There simply is no ‘q’ in this puzzle. The phrase was “ex parte.” You lose. Please prepare an order.
Exhibition of Blanket’s lack of nose to prove Michael Jackson’s paternity.
Ohhhh, you meant sic…
wtf is that, counselor?
Said the stickman ” Dude, you dress like a real lawyer.”.
I think that the jury can draw a reasonable conclusion from the witness’ appearance.
Through his closing argument the defense proved once again that the law was just an elaborate exercise in line drawing!
“The recession hits Courtoons.”
Or
‘Counselor, a stick figure may have gotten you a B+ on your crim. exam, but it won’t work here.’
Or
“Stick figures are legalese for ‘I am panicking and have no f***ing clue.”
When consensual lean creditors object.
“Your Honor, I strenuously object to the young man’s nude demonstration of how he became the sole heir to the Michael Jackson estate.”
As you can see from Exhibit A to our motion for fees, associates who bill 24 hours a day and do not take meal breaks for two months in a row, can, in fact, still be productive. Come on, show him how you can dance, too.
The First Intellectual Property Trial: Who Copyrighted the Stick Man?
“The state court did not attempt to define the precise contours of Murphy’s obligation to respond to questions.”
Minnesota v. Murphy, 465 U. S. 420 (1984)
Your Honor, despite a bit of malnutrition, I think it is obvious that the present arrangement is in the best interests of the child.
There is only a fine line between the Prosecutor and the Judge.
Subservient Stickman on trial for wasting too much of my time! (finally!) http://subservientstickman.com/ Don’t tell him to “make the helicopter” nsfw
At sentencing for Indecent Exposure, the Defense counsel argues for mitigation: “See, your honor, it’s actually pretty decent.”
If it please the court, I’d like to call my client, Nicole Ritchie to the stand.
As you can see, your honor, Mrs. Palsgraf has completely recovered.
That ruling will never stick, MAN!
Your Honor, the Defendant is being purposefully obtuse.
The judge held that Plaintiff’s case was a “shtick”and granted Defendant’s motion to dismiss.
“As you can see, your Honor, my client did indeed guess the correct letters. There is no reason for a hung jury.”
“Your Honor, prosecution seeks death by hanging.”
“Your Honor, my client pleads N_T G__L_Y.”
Your honor, it is impossible for me to question this witness… I can’t tell whether it is Mary Kate or Ashley.
Sentencing HANG-MAN
“Your Honor, when I stated that my brief had stripped opposing counsel of all his defenses, I did not mean this . . .”
Halfway through the public indecency trial, the court and prosecutor both reallized that their cartoonist had no concept of anatomical correctness.
Folding under counsel’s heated cross, defendant finally admits that he is not, in fact, a real boy.
Your Honor, my client will admit that he has exhibited sketchy behavior, but he cannot be held liable here because the cartoonist has clearly failed to meet the “reasonable artist” standard of care.
The Men’s Room is thataway, pal.
Your Honor, as you can see from my client’s present condition, the effects of silly putty are not all that silly. Not silly at all.
Oyez. Oyez. Oyez. This court is now in session, the Honorable Charles Brown presiding. First on the docket, No. 715-032, “Estate of Charles Schultz v. David E. Mills.”
Circa 1925: In defense of his client’s use of the controversial text “On the Origin of Two-Dimensional Species” in the classroom, Clarence Doodle introduces his first exhibit regarding the evolution of cartoon man.
Evidence of an unlawful search and seizure under the Fourth Amendment.
Tired of the deliberations and fearing a hung jury, juror number 1 decided to make a break for it.
What….the hell….is that….?
La. Loser – I think the historical references in your caption don’t fit in with the general tenor of this site. Pop culture references only, please.
Very clever, though.
Suprise registered on Judge Wilson’s face. Never before had he seen life breathed into a strawman argument.
“Please explain to the court why you believe the x-rays your doctor ordered were unnecessary”
Judge: Excuse me, sir, you realize you interrupting oral arguments.
U.S. News Rep. (stickman): Oh, just ignore me. I am here to observe and rank you. We already domintate law school rankings and will soon dominate law firm rankings in order to “help” people pick the best choice…U.S. courts are the next rational addition.
FORUM SHOPPING: The Next Stage!!!
Your honor, we were unable to locate the “strawman” here we have his brother, the “stickman”, to testify on his behalf.
Caption 1
Lawyer: E.T!! What are you doing here? GO HOME!
Caption 2
Firstly, congratulations on you getting the skiing equipment from the ro’bust’ Lew Inn at Aspen. Secondly, I know we are talking of the same old Bill here but could you act a little interested? You’re already adorning a couple of Lew Inn Skies beneath your table. Let’s stick to the point here.
Oh and BTW i’m going to have to go with J on July 7 at 10:10 am for the win here. It’s good on all counts. It’s funny, it’s true, it has strong legal connotations and fits in perfectly with the picture.
Your Honor, our defense is two-dimensional.
OR
The parties accused each other in open court, but it was clear that only one of them had any substance.
OR
Trial set for two weeks. Is that all that’s left on the docket? Oh, okay, well in that case, IT’S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!
Kpawss at July 3, 2009 at 2:31 pm was the best!
Does anyone remember the civil procedure case re: damages not normally resulting from the type of cause of action plead must be specially plead? COA was negligence/automobile accident, injury was a viagra-type long term permanant, um, ‘condition’ ? I can’t recall the case name but I will forever remember the special pleading requirement thanks to my stick figure drawing in the margins of the case book.
Breve judiciale non cadit pro defectu formae – A judicial writing does not fail through defect of form.
OR
Custos morum – A guardian of morals.
OR
De minimis lex non curat – The law does not notice trifling matters.
OR
Generale nihil certum implicat – A general expression implies nothing certain.
OR
Homo vocabulum est naturae; persona juris civilis – Man is a term of nature, person of the civil law.
OR
In loco parentis – In place of the parent.
anonimus at 7:07:
u haz a life FAIL
um, it is a legal puns cartoon caption “contest” – clearly Mr. Cat and I have similar failings…